When your name is Dave Von Hoffenschnitzenberger, you always get asked, “Why don’t you just shorten your name?”

“Shorten it?” I’ll chuckle. “We lengthened it, man. From Hoffman.”

We at Architects for You! want to thank you for your continued faith in our firm, despite recent events which, we want to stress, were completely unanticipated. Your new house, and your satisfaction with it, are of paramount importance to us. We at AFY! value each and every customer! You’re the reason we get up every day!

Pick your fave food item from Chipotle and we’ll guess the exact time and date when you realized life has no purpose.

Dear Person,

I hope this letter finds you confused and reliant on people with money.

I’m writing, me, the CEO, to let you know about how our big company did something bad.

The people across the street will not teach me piano. They told me ‘no’, even after I had put on a clean shirt, combed my hair, and walked all the way over there. I thought it would be like asking for a cup of sugar, like neighbors sometimes do. “Will you teach me piano?” I asked nicely.