Voiceover: Today on a special edition of the Chet Chatterton Show on RealNews Radio, we present an exclusive interview with Exclamation Mark, here to discuss the shocking news, reported on air by RealNews Radio yesterday morning, that Exclamation Mark is withdrawing from public service, ending a career spanning more than 500 years. We join Chet and Exclamation Mark in the studio.

In Third Grade, we all hated arithmetic until Mrs. Podolski, with her heavy Polish accent, showed up and briefly cast a numerical spell on us. Mrs. Podolski was a short, stout woman who replaced our regular teacher for two weeks. She wore brilliant floral print dresses and prefaced almost everything she said with, “And now, children.”

“This is Clonazepam, the generic for Klonopin. We’ll start you off on 5mg and you can just take it any time you feel that wave of anxiety coming on.”

Pinocchio had never heard of Klonopin before.

Kelsey was dead now, but it was supposed to be a Christmas surprise.

The billionaires gathered inside their special room, the hermetically sealed one with piped-in HEPA air, aromatherapy diffusers, and personal attention chambers. The room, rarely used, was reserved for emergencies only, and nobody present would dispute that this was an emergency.