Has listening to the radio worn a hole in your mind? Are you tired of watching Captain Kangaroo and his lover, Mister Greenjeans? Now there is an alternative—The Podcast.

Move all the furniture out of a spare room and order a hospital bed. Remove unnecessary décor, as making the surroundings too “homey” can lead to denial (in both patient and family members) about the fact that your loved one is dying. Keeping things sparse will discourage any push-pull between the players, a source of stress that can be avoided if everyone is on the same page. Especially be sure to remove all photos of your loved one’s loved ones. This is not the time to surround her with reminders of what she is leaving behind, as this will only make her transition more difficult.

I am pleased to announce that we will be marking our seventh year of operation as a Burger Palace franchise with a gala Grand Opening celebration.  The Burger Palace corporate office has given us the long-awaited green light and has set its massive public relations wheels in motion. The big day will be November 12.  I’m sure we will all find this momentous occasion to be well worth the wait.

How do you zoo?

It’s easy.

Just follow these simple steps.

DISEMBODIED MALE VOICE:  “Hej! Thank you for calling the IKEA Hotline.  We’re here to help you assemble our fine pieces of furniture.  Sustainable living begins at IKEA.  For service in English press one.  Para instrucciones en español, oprima dos. för instruktioner på svenska, tryck tre.”