Dear Mr. Queem: Although your story, A Hamster’s Heartbreak, does not meet our needs at this time, we thank you for submitting it, and we wish you the very best of luck placing it elsewhere. Sincerely, Editor Backbiter Press * * * dear editor you have to publish my story. hamster huey has cancer and

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George Lucas: Attention everyone. My name is George Lucas, and as president of the National Association of Directors Who Ruin Childhood Memories, I would like to welcome you to our 2009 Mid-Year meeting. As you know, our mission is to identify beloved childhood memories, distort them, and then force an unsuspecting public to watch them.

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Announcing the formation of the Society for the Naming of All Future Un-named (SNAFU). Even though psychologists recognize the importance of a name on self-esteem and social expectations, the last several decades have seen more and more children named with apparent indifference to the world’s perceptions and the potential psychological damage to the bearer of

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“What have we got this week Jarvis, anything out of the ordinary?” “A couple of cases of interest, but we are staring the week with ‘A Paper Cut’, Sir.” “A paper cut? Surely there are guidance leaflets available for the use of books, you know “Care must be taken blar blar blar…” “Ah, yes, all

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Dear President of the Mark Twain Historical Society: I am in receipt of the letter in which you request (and not very politely!) that I cease blogging under the pen name ‘Marc Twainy’. You state that my use of this nom de plume “tarnishes the legacy of Mr. Mark Twain, an American icon”. It is

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