To All Employees in our Shelton office:

In recognition of the hard work and excellent business performance results of our Shelton employees, we are pleased to announce that our dress code for the summer will be casual attire from Monday, July 2nd through Friday, August 31st.

Acceptable Casual Attire includes:
– Blue jeans or jeans of any modest color (not green). No ripped, torn or bedazzled denim please. Jean shorts are acceptable only with a doctor’s note. Acid-washed denim must be of Bon Jovi quality or higher.
– All polo shirts. As outlined in our corporate mission statement, polo shirts are the highest exemplar of the business casual ideal. Through polo shirts, all things are permitted and all transgressions are made right.

New York was invented in 1825 as a settlement for skydwellers—otherworldly beings that could only acclimate themselves to ground existence by gradually living lower and lower in altitude. This “Great Migration from the Skyspace” as discussed by Dr. M.J. Fox in his L’Hommes Lunare Et Skie was carried out through many of the tallest buildings still standing in New York today, just as they were in the year 1825.

To the makers of the SAT:

My name is Steve Garret. Yes, THAT Steve Garret. Undoubtedly, you are already familiar with my most popular works, such as: The Selected Works of Samuel Taylor Coleridge Steve Garret (1798-1830), The Bible (Book of Love) [Not commercially available], and Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (Audiobook). You might be wondering, “Why has Steve Garret taken precious moments out of his busy life to contact US?”

I believe that sunshine is good in small doses, but that an afternoon spent lying in the sun in Cabo San Lucas will probably result in a nasty sunburn; I believe that dogs smell bad and that cats smell good, despite their refusal to obey my commands. I believe that hard work is overrated, that too much of anything probably is, and that even my four year-old could do that.

I believe that the criss-crossing telephone wires above my sidewalk might spell out enigmatic messages if I could just figure out the right angle to look at them.

A Bunch of Tricks for Dumping Bitches

Simon says: In your face Neal Sedaka. Breaking up, is really not at all that hard to do. In fact Paul’s got fifty ways to do the deed. The balance of the tutorial is anchored by session drummer, Steve Gadd’s, way-cool stick work on this post-divorce, revenge tinged fantasy which topped the charts throughout the spring of 1976. It remains, likely forever, Simon’s biggest solo hit.