“If I had a Talking Dog,” by Aidan Fitzmaurice
Nov 28th, 2012 | By Defenestration![](https://www.defenestrationmag.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Defenestration-Fake-Nonfiction.jpg)
If I had a talking dog I would train it to have a reasonable debate with the postman rather than viciously attacking him. It could politely ask:
“What are you doing in my garden? Please get out of my garden.”
And the postman would reply:
“Please don’t be cross, I have letters for you, they are replies from all those celebrities you write to.”