In 1847, the unrepentant 29th American Congress voted to repeal a piece of legislation, enacted in 1812, that forbade “public procreation and all acts of a carnal nature” from “finding roost within the civic eye.” This repeal caused an outcry at the time, particularly in the then-fledgling Western states. One Oklahoma columnist expressed her outrage in a church circular: “Damnation shall rain like fire upon the heads of our deeply misguided congressmen.” This prophetic conjecture was wrong in its particulars, but correct in its general thrust. Four days after that circular went to press, Democratic Speaker of the House, John Wesley Davis of Indiana, was vaulted into a fiery fissure that split open the floor of the Capitol building.

Just in time for [insert holiday here], it’s the Lil’ Richy Einstein Play-a-Majig! This ultimate 70-in-1 learning toy makes being a kid so fun, you’ll never have to buy another toy again.

Dear Posh Guys:

I had no idea. I’m not dumb, or uneducated. I’m just American. We shy away from words like “master.” We eat a lot of desserts, but call only one of them pudding. We like tea, but mostly we drink coffee, no variety of which is named after our country, members of our peerage, or our former colonies.

The assignment was a simple one: consolidate the email subscriber lists into a single spreadsheet. Or at least it seemed simple. Three tabs of blotter acid and a fifth of Jack later, and it became clear that the swarming birds would never allow it. They were all over the keyboard, shitting and clack-clack-clacking away on the IBM Selectric typewriter I’d brought from home. Liz said to use Excel, but a laptop is the establishment’s computer—the machine’s machine. You gotta feel the ink on your fingers, suck down the fumes if you wanna stay free and connected to your craft.

Ask anyone who’s in business. One of the keys to success is a good firm handshake. It’s the difference between a boy and a man. A boy is weak and limp. A man is strong and firm. Here’s the problem: A lot of people know this, and thus a lot of people have a firm handshake. How do you distinguish yourself? What’s the difference between guy with a firm handshake #1 and guy with a firm handshake #2? How do you go from being just another guy who knows how to shake someone’s hand to THE guy that knows how to shake someone’s hand?