“Can’t yelp* Myself,” by Nancy Katt
Mar 5th, 2014 | By Defenestration![](https://www.defenestrationmag.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Defenestration-Fake-Nonfiction.jpg)
NotMyMother*****She’s an amazing girl! She’s gorgeous, smart, funny, stunning, brilliant. I don’t know why she can’t find a man.
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NotMyMother*****She’s an amazing girl! She’s gorgeous, smart, funny, stunning, brilliant. I don’t know why she can’t find a man.
Was this review…? *Helpful *Obligatory *Worthless
Every year at the winter solstice, members of the so-called “Bilderberg Group,” an enigmatic collective of elite figures from the worlds of finance, technology, and domination, gather at a unknown location to confer on matters of the highest consequence. The content of these discussions, rumored to amount to a shadow world government, can never be revealed.
The Chairman introduced the first agenda item, ‘The Increased Cost of Stationery.’ He drew attention to the fact that using more than one pen, mislaying pens, vandalising pens through chewing, and opening new boxes of pens before it was necessary was resulting in an increased cost to the business.
FJ explained that although he acknowledged that the use and misuse of pens was an issue, the Committee should also consider the use and misuse of staples and staplers, paper, particularly photocopying paper that everyone thought they had a right to, and pencils.
I want to talk about hunger.
There’s an old saying that you may have heard. Too often we miss the forest for the trees. Because: there are too many goddamn trees. So many trees, way too many trees. That’s why the humane thing to do is to allow hunters to periodically and metaphorically “prune” them, because sometimes—maybe even most of the time—the only way to save something is to kill it.
Dan is my best friend but sometimes I catch him picking his nose and flicking his boogers at my windshield.
“Stop doing that. I can see you.”
“I didn’t—“
“I saw you!”
But now he’s depressed so when I catch him I don’t make fun of him for it as much.