Once, in China, I asked a young friend where would be a good shop or market to pick up a new pair of shoelaces.

He paused, thought about it, and said, “You can’t. You just have to buy new shoes.”

I smiled “Have you ever been shopping on your own?”

He said, “Well no. My mother buys everything for me.”

I still wear Chinese mesh $1.99 ‘ghetto slippers’ everywhere. Shopping. To the beach. To Europe. In fancy hotels. Everywhere. Even Chinese women don’t wear them anymore. Their loss. I didn’t invent them, but if I did, I’d call them ‘Chinese Cock-Blockers,’ because men, apparently, hate them.

Friends, supporters, colleagues, distinguished guests… all people I’d rather see than the degenerates and scumbags seated before me now.

You’re at Whole Foods or some similar place somewhere else. Just being there makes you feel good, hip, organic. You walk down the wide, splendid aisle. You remember what your doctor said about dairy products and you are, once again, determined to cut them out. All that fat.

Do you sometimes wish you could give your child a magic pill that would permanently build their self-esteem? While that worthy goal may be a long way off, West Windsor resident Dr. Robert Winthrop Yoskovitz believes that he may have discovered the next best thing; even though he’s the first to admit that he’s invented “nothing.”