Scalp 1: (Brunette male, crew cut) I’m leaving this note for my progeny. In the future, I will be known as the Savior of the World. You’re probably reading this from behind a glass box in some overrated museum where you have to eat Triscuits and sip apple juice while looking really constipated. Congratulations on finding the only cool thing on display. The scalp I’m writing on was from a guy you would have liked. Running out of room. I’ll switch to the redhead.

Perfectly cooked lobster is surely one of life’s pleasures. Making lobster on your holiday may seem like a lavish affair, but we’ve put together an easy recipe anyone can make – spectacular succulent lobster in sea salted water.

One warm spring night on a tiny farm in Whistle County, Tennessee, eleven piglets slipped from a sow like marbles from a silk purse, ten boys and one girl. The boys were fine, sturdy specimens, if perhaps a shade dull—more bacon than brains, as the saying goes—but the girl was a wonder, clever and strong and pink as a sunrise.

When Eddie electrocuted himself dead leaving a burnt image of Jesus on his left hand, it was faintly ironic for two reasons: one, he was doing something nice for somebody else at the time, which was out of character to start with; two, nobody had expected him to live long enough to do something nice for somebody else and subsequently electrocute himself.

Dear Applicant,

We have taken your application to register yourself as the sole owner and proprieter of a portion of Hungarian history, specifically 1820-1849, under consideration for inclusion in the Registry of Intangibles.