Posts Tagged ‘ Fake Nonfiction ’

“Long Married Date Night Menu From Vito’s Pizzeria Restaurant Owned and Operated By the Illiano Brothers Who Are Having More Sex With Their Wives Than You Could Possibly Imagine,” by Elizabeth Bastos

Mar 10th, 2010 | By

Pasta

Pizza

Steak Subs dripping with juice

Hand tossed salad

Juicy Imported Tomatoes come on the “Caprese”

Hot, Wide-Open Zucchini Blossoms, deep-fried



“Making the Sale,” by Richard Turck

Feb 10th, 2010 | By

If you’re in any kind of sales profession, being able to sell is probably one of the most important aspects of your job. You need to take an object, any object, and force the customer into believing they need it. If they came into an electronics store thinking, “I could use a couple of D batteries,” I have to make sure they leave thinking, “Yes, I probably would have died without this programmable bionic android.” A large part of being a good salesman is the ability to scare people into buying robots.



“Writers Guidelines,” by Rachel Levy

Feb 3rd, 2010 | By

1. Before submitting, please get an idea of what we tend to publish by, you know, READING OUR MAGAZINE. And not just one issue, but several of them. It is disheartening, not to mention anxiety-inducing, for our editors to receive manuscripts from writers who clearly do not know much about us.



“Robot Laws for the Future According to an Unemployed, Pot-smoking English Literature Graduate,” by L. Gilbert Heedyn

Jan 27th, 2010 | By

1. A robot must not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. 2. A robot must obey any orders given to it by a human being, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. 3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does

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“The Diary of Darrin Stevens,” by Jay Morris

Jan 20th, 2010 | By

Dear Uncle Jay: My friend Irwin says that the TV series Bewitched was not a fiction-based situation comedy capitalizing on that era’s “magical” trend, but a documentary series detailing the tortured true-life existence of a man trapped in marriage to a sorceress. Irwin has “episodes,” if you know what I mean, but he seems sincere

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