“Weekend Roundup: News From Around the Sporting World,” by Chris Eversman
May 14th, 2014 | By Defenestration![](https://www.defenestrationmag.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Defenestration-Fake-Nonfiction.jpg)
Polar Bears Trump Polar Vortex
What began as a close contest quickly devolved into a blowout as Polar Bears trounced Polar Vortex 42-9. The League Commissioner said about the game, “Polar Vortex really didn’t have a chance if you ask me. I mean, the Polar Vortex is just some wind… or air… or whatever, and Polar Bears are, well, ferocious bears. I’ll take bears over air every time.”