Journalist #1: I’m here at the royal wedding of King Henry XIII and Catherine of Parr. Your highness, it’s an honor to talk to you at this beautiful affair.

King Henry: Thank you, I’m glad you could make it. Did you have some questions for your publication?

Journalist #1: I indeed did, I’ll rattle through them real quick.

King Henry: Sounds good.

Journalist #1: So this is your sixth wedding, correct?

King Henry: Yes, this time I’ve found love for real.

Journalist #1: Do you really believe that?

Mr. Fepper: Okay class, today we’re going to analyze the novella A Rue, a Sunset, and Loss by David (pronounced Daveed) Hopkins. You all read the first chapter?

Class: mmmhmmm.

Mr. Fepper: What did we think of the first paragraph? Let’s start with “And Edwardo Cranberry opened the door with his right hand.”

Applicant information.

1. Name:

2. Suggested nickname for future use by alarmed local reporters and inept local law enforcement:

3. What, in your opinion, were the three most fucked up things that happened to you in early childhood?

Hello Calypso customer. Thank you for your recent order. This e-mail confirms the receipt of your order for “The Game of Thrones” box set. You will be contacted when your order is ready for shipping.

Washingtonians, this Wednesday afternoon, come to the Starbucks on 1600 K Street to become acquainted with some young, interesting, average income level Asian American guys and gals. Instead of meeting Asian American doctors, lawyers, and consultants, you’ll meet Dr. Dre copycats, alcoholic paralegals, and T-Mobile wireless salespeople.