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Now, I know what you’re thinkin’: “The best red velvet cake? Can’t be the best, what about Little Debbie?”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love me a Little Debbie cake, as much as the next red-blooded southerner. But this recipe, passed down to me by my meemaw, Dorothy Birdie, is better than anything Little Debbie could bake. It’s sure to delight anyone come round for tea.

Feeling trapped? Angry at the world? Done with everyone’s bullshit? Then come on down to ScreamFest, where the only limits are your lung capacity!

Here at Coff-It-Up! Coffee, Inc. we specialize in a prodigious number of specialty roasts. We are looking to be as ubiquitous as your struggles to stay awake throughout the day!

Dear Todd,

Please stop pranking my dad. He thinks the walkie-talkie you hid in his room is the voice of God. You know how religious he is. I admit, it was funny when you told him to buy Whiteclaws for Kathy’s party because ‘God was feeling thirsty.’ But this has gotten out of hand.