I’m not a chef, or even a reasonably talented cook, but I AM an adult responsible for several small children, so it is inevitable that I have to prepare meals for my family. And because I know how to cook certain things better than other things, that means my family tends to eat from the same menu.

Originally I wanted to do a comic where Winslow was speaking in Old English, but that was only because I wanted to incorporate a bunch of old letters English speakers don’t use anymore. But then I thought, the International Phonetic Alphabet has all of those letters and a whole bunch of other crazy-ass letters.

I don’t typically like to do topical humor, but I’ve wanted to chop Spider-Man into pieces and give one of more of his body parts for Winslow to play with for several years now, and the recent Spider-Man news seemed like the perfect opportunity to play out that fantasy scenario.

I sat on this idea for a long time, waiting for 50 Shades of Gray to show up in theaters. And so here we are, a million years later, with a comic full of puns and cleverly wrought punctuation and sexual crayons.

Let me tell you, folks: telling a small child that their parents are mortal is one of the cruelest things you can possibly do.