French toast, also known as pain perdu, or lost pain, is a time-honored staple of frugal French housewives and househusbands (maris de maison) everywhere. It consists of stale bread that even le chien refused, lovingly bathed in egg and milk and fried in something called a poêle. It is then dusted with cinnamon and hung on the wall as decoration.

Do you remember how I was telling you about my piano teacher? Mrs. Haley was an old lady with white hair, glasses on a string, a Boston Terrier named Jerry and a house that smelled of old upholstery and stale coffee. Just the smell walking in used make my heart sink. That, and knowing that I hadn’t practiced.

There is no exact comparison to the anticipatory joy and adventure that comes with a visit to Hi’s Variety.

Despite the world of Amazon, and internet, we sometimes find ourselves with a need in the now, and without clear thought as to how “this thing” can be quickly procured. Be it a rubber gasket to retard the flow of the faucet stripped midstream in a botched DIY plumbing attempt, or the fat leather watchband from the 70s to perfectly accentuate the evening’s themed disco masquerade. A box of Stove Top stuffing is essential for one’s solo Thanksgiving, a 45-rpm record adaptor for the amateur DJ who left his at home. The proper adhesive to reattach our rear view mirror, and an army-man Battle of the Bulge playset to decorate the cake. Make no mistake, we’ll find all these treasures and so much more at Hi’s.

1. Someone begs you to come. 

2. As soon as you arrive, you realize this was a big mistake.

“The hook,” I tell my creative writing students, “is the secret of getting read.” Unfortunately, powerful first-line hooks were nonexistent before the mid-1950s. This is probably why few readers willingly pick up a book published before that decade. Let me illustrate with examples of how once-famous novels could have been saved by inserting a commanding hook.