My wife is a fast reader, so to save money on books each month she reads a lot of free stuff on Kindle. Sometimes she finds some hidden gems, but more often than not she reads some really, really weird novels with amazingly terrible covers, and Kindle keeps recommending even weirder stuff. I love the book covers she texts me while I’m at work. Today’s comic is inspired by some of those novels.

[Cast thou eyes upon a shambling, wretched, pock-marked woman, cloaked in filth. Dark music doth bellow through the howling winds from a bladder pipe and frame drum.]

“Hi! I’m Christy. Yes, I can tell you about FAQ. What would you like to know? I’m sorry, I did not catch that. What would you like to know? What would you like to know? Okay! You’d like to know about FAQ!”

It’s been a while since we’ve seen Chauncy. Actually, that’s totally understandable because he isn’t a character in this comic strip at all and is instead from an older, now defunct strip of mine. But sometimes you need a vampire, right? And I have a pile of them already designed and ready to go, so…

Emergency physicians at St. Catherine’s General Hospital were stunned Friday night when 37-year old local man George Turlington was brought in by paramedics, his body fused to the interior of a college mascot suit. The two-piece grizzly bear costume, normally worn by an underpaid work-study student, was apparently sutured together by an unknown force. “Synthetic fibers are always unpredictable,” said Dr. Heather Maddox, lead surgeon of the trauma unit. “It’s possible that Mr. Turlington’s body heat caused the two components to meld together, but the truth is, we’ll never know for sure.”