Red: Red sighs very deeply. “Ugh, don’t even get me started on her,” says red, before changing the subject.

I guess now that the Moustache Wizard is dead and buried, Winslow feels safer dabbling in sorcery, and reveals something interesting about his magical past…

New client intake. Louis P. is a Caucasian male of undisclosed age. Well dressed. No reported health problems, but physical condition appears poor. Face, gaunt. Gaze, dull. Skin, pale, like marble. Eyes, red, hyper-dilated. Client reports being unhappy about his current lifestyle. Practices “vile and morally repugnant” behaviors which cause him to “sleep all day and stalk the lonely streets all night, haunted by an insatiable thirst.”

Welcome, welcome, one and all, to (arguably one of) the happiest places on Earth (or at least the electronic version of Earth). It’s time to unleash the August 2015 issue of Defenestration into the cyber realm, so sit back, ready your reading digits, and prepare to be amused.

Lincoln—that cocky bastard, he thought. Look at him. Sitting there. So sure of himself. Long legs crossed confidently, black stovepipe hat in his lap. Lean angular head slightly bent, tilted to one side. As if pondering some great thought when really he’s just trying to catch the conversation going on behind the door.

It was so convenient being Lincoln, thought William. So… unoriginal. Like a still life of a fruit basket.