Uh-oh. It’s October, and you know what that means, right? RIGHT?!

Congratulations! You finally made it. I know the appeals process can be a nightmare—all those ups and downs. Will they, won’t they, will they, won’t they. Turns out: they won’t. Your patience is appreciated. No more waiting, now. Good things are coming to you. We’ve made a lot of changes around here lately, and I think you’re going to like what we’ve done with the place.

This one will probably make a lot of people angry, because dog people are passionate about dogs. But I want you all to know that despite Winslow’s personal feelings, I–his creator–don’t actually have a problem with dog people and I certainly don’t have a problem with dogs.

Turkish Cotton Towel Set, 6 Piece, $150

These are very nice towels, but I just don’t know why they need two sets of them. One for bathing, and one for banging? But these are too pricey for that. Sophomore year, she was hooking up a lot and had a towel – I think it was purple, at least originally – that she called “the splooge towel.” She always washed separately. I kept asking her, “Why do we need a towel? What’s coming out of there, exactly?” She wouldn’t answer me. But when the time came, I was so worried that I used two towels. Then I texted her afterward, and she told me she was proud of me, and I was so giddy that I didn’t ask if she meant the towels or the sex-having.

From Ben & Winslow Studios comes a movie that is not even remotely similar to the beloved 1987 film The Princess Bride, because the words “princess” and “bride” appear nowhere in the title and because this one has a lot more robots. This is a wholly original script that has neither equal nor analog: a romantic fantasy comedy presented as a story told by a grandfather to his sick grandson, which also features robots! You’ll love it.