Winslow has already proven himself to be an adept writer of fantasy fiction and romance, so it’s about time he try his hand at a little horror.

Dear Applicant,

You are not a fit the Creative Strategist / Thought Leader Associate role you applied for. We’ve also deemed you unfit for general living on planet earth. Fuck you.

Free-range animal crackers are the best kind of animal crackers. They’re also the most ethical, so you can eat them guilt free.

After reviewing our budget as well as the survey that let us know what most attendees will be able to pay, we have been able to secure a rate that most of our members will find affordable if not comfortable. We have managed to reserve the Sundown Motel for our conference. They offer rooms with two single beds, and if yours aren’t bolted to the ground, you can push them together to make a double. 

There. Now you know Dr. Spiderqueen’s first name. And now that I’ve given it to her, I will probably never use it again. Not because it isn’t a perfectly serviceable name, but because “Dr. Spiderqueen” is so much more evocative.